I have made a decision. It is a creative decision but feels
as important as life itself. Starting today, every single day I will make one
entry in one of my blogs.
I want to send the signal to Soul of Universe that I am
absolutely ready to be heard. I feel like a person who has found her medium. There
was silence. Few minutes back there was complete silence and now I hear the
humming of the souls and breaths…
I feel alive. It is unique to feel alive in spite of the
fact that every single “alive” moment we share this experience with so many
others.
I am drinking this night time green tea, never thought I will
fall in love with green teas; but never say never, here I am sitting at my
laptop and shipping green tea, something I have recently got addicted to.
It took me time to find answers. Yes, I am slow, very slow
and in a world where speed is considered synonymous with effectiveness, I am
not effective; but then there are this corners of life where your voice just
speaks and you don’t care about who hears you. And in that place, you suddenly
say, “I don’t mind being slow”
I am slow, and I am ok with it. I learn at snail’s speed, and
that doesn't make me a fool. Why are we so obsessed with the finishing line? Is
it a crime to savor the moments and enjoy the journey with all that virginity
we will never experience once we reach the destination? There is still voice
that says, no, it is not a crime. It sounds like a voice of a child. It feels
that there is this little voice of 5-7 years old. She is not self assured. She wants
the approval. She feels the fear, just like every other emotion, she feels it
like a tornado. When she answers me in that voice, I know I can hear her. But
then the cacophony starts and I start to miss out on all those voices. I feel
desperate most of the time. I fear the slowness. I try to be fast. I hurt my
metaphysical knees. I have to slow down. I feel inferior and again that voice,
why are you running? It is so wonderful out here. Where do you want to reach? I
don’t know. I want to reply. But in lack of right words, yes, adults hardly
find right words, I tell her to shut up. She goes and sits in a corner. I know
she is right. It doesn't take maturity to realize that she is right. It requires
courage, and most often adults don’t have courage.
